How to Play the Win-Win Game in Life

Well, what the heck other games are you GOING to play?
Gee, talking about win-win seems so twentieth century!
Haven't we got the idea?

Don't we realize that, unless a situation is a win for both (or all) parties involved, it's not a win at all - because the loser will figure out that he/she is the loser, and probably do something to mess things up?

Nah, we don't realize that. I know this for a fact because I coach people to help them sell. And I can tell you that win-lose is alive and well!

In my work I've learned that really nice people - really smart people - normally really caring people - when they go out to sell may become self-serving barracudas! By that I mean that they're all ME-ME-ME, and "How can I manipulate this person into buying what I have in mind?"

That's such a shame. Plus ... it doesn't work!

Well, maybe it'll work one time. But those of us who are selling our services typically want to develop clients who will buy from us, and buy from us, and buy from us. And if they get a whiff that they're a LOSER in any transaction they do with us, guess how much future buying they'll be doing?

The answer would be NONE.

So in practical terms, what does win-win mean when you're selling something: your services, a product, your ideas, even yourself to a prospective employer?

It means you have to be equally concerned about your partner in the transaction getting what he or she wants. Yes, that's right, you have to be just as concerned about THEM as you are about YOU. In my book Got Sales? The Complete Guide to Today's Proven Methods for Selling Services I teach people that, in order to sell most effectively, it's important that you have what I call a Clean Heart Position. A Clean Heart Position is what you hold in your HEART when you go out to sell: a sincere desire to see your prospect get what he or she wants - whether or not he gets it from YOU.

Think about that for a minute. I am a professional speaker who helps people improve their sales results and make more money. What do my clients want? They want SALES! They want MORE MONEY. They do not particularly want a speech, or even a laugh; they want SALES RESULTS. And they expect that I will provide those results - not just talk about how to sell, but SHOW PEOPLE how to sell, and, often, SUPPORT PEOPLE while they use those new approaches to be sure they sell successfully.

So I find myself doing follow-up programs, coaching and hand-holding until much-improved sales results show up, and continue to show up, so we're reasonably sure that we've accomplished a really difficult thing: behavior change.

Now, what do I like to do? Why, I like to give talks! The follow-up is a pain in the neck! It's descriptions of selling challenges arriving in droves in my e-mail queue; it's working at 2 a.m. because I didn't have time to get back to somebody who's meeting with their prospect tomorrow; it's agonizing as a not-very-skilled client blows a presentation for a $40 million consulting project, because he just wouldn't take my advice!

I don't like that! I told them what to do - why do I have to be involved as they do it, or as they don't? I HAVE to do the follow-up, because I have never seen any speech completely change behavior and transform people into talented salespeople. Not my speeches, not anybody's speeches. People may learn something intellectually, but not emotionally - that is, they may understand what I'm teaching, but not find that what they say when they're selling matches the principles that were right there on the handouts I gave them! So I have to stay with them, reinforcing the learning, and helping them succeed ... that is, to win.

So… what do your prospects (or what does your management, or your prospective employer) want? Are you giving it to them? Or are you giving what you want to give - what's comfortable for you? If so you may have a WIN in the short run - you're doing what you want to do - but in the long run your dissatisfied prospect, client or boss will figure out that he or she is the LOSER, and will probably run kicking and screaming away from you.

So does your approach to life have to be win-win? Sure. It has to be, for you to succeed long-term. Is it your approach to work - and to life - now? If it isn't, why not change your game plan immediately?